Questions

Sometimes I wonder if I'll always consider myself brain injured. Is it always something I'm going to add to the definition of who I am, or will there someday be a point where the brain injury is no longer who I am, rather something that happened to me.

I wonder if someday I won't have to explain that I am brain injured.. but at this point, it is part of who I am. My struggle with the brain injury is why I am the way I am, and doing what I'm doing. I feel like holding it back, not telling people, would be hiding part of myself.. Not taking pride in what I've overcome..

Its like when I start a class (I am in college, which is a miracle since I almost wasn't able to graduate high school) my teachers get notice that I have a disability, but it is my choice to tell them what it is. I do, and if they are willing to listen, I try to explain as much as I can. And I try to tell the entire class because I feel like they should at the least be aware about brain injuries. Some people have never heard of TBI's, or has never met anyone with one... I rarely get a good response, mostly just awkward glances and silence, but I keep trying.

You know, if I'm going to be brain injured, I want to do something with it, and since high school was such a pain, in the way of teachers being understanding, I want to spread the word.. get everyone to get use to hearing about brain injuries, teach people, explain how I look normal, but my brain does not work like it is suppose to. You can't see my brain,  and even the Cat Scans didn't show anything...if only the technology today was there when I was 13... maybe then there would have been "proof" that something happened, and I would have won my lawsuit against the guy who threw the trays at my face..

I am so young, and I feel like I'm always wondering what my future looks like.. not in what I'll be doing, because I know that.. I'm going to have an amazing life, a career, hopefully a family... but will my brain injury come to haunt me? Will I be able to sustain a full time job? Will being pregnant make my brain injury reappear? Will I be able to handle taking care of kids? Will someone be able to love me, even when I'm stuck on the couch, crying hysterically because I just got home from a test and I don't know how I did (and when I get it back, it be a 98%)?

I know I have a bright future, brain injury or not, but it scares me. What if I get better, but fall and re-injure myself? That is my biggest fear.. being re-injured.. again.